A Life More Minimal

An image i took of my danny that is all






Do you ever get that feeling . . .

what happened to make everything so complicated ?

I don't want to get involved in dramas , pay bills , go to work , sit on public transport waiting for some aged war veteran to take my seat , why do even care its just a seat , some douche bag to tell me im not cool or alt enough . Again why do i care your a prick.

All I Want Is This






You maybe think that its finally happened , Ive lost my mind and I'm using this blog as a virtual suicide note.
But your sadly mistaken.
I simply wanted to rant about my longing to just fade away sometimes (EMO)

I really wish I'd done a patrick wolf and ran away when i was younger . . . . ( well do a patrick that is up until he gets raped)

I often tell my friends that when i move to london i really truly feel i'm gonna become this epic social recluse , only leaving my studio to get supplies until one dark stormy night a cabinet full of my old tat and curios falls on me.
Then they find me months later simply a pool of bodily fluids .


Thats the way i want to go anyways.

I always do this , think about how i'll shuffle off this mortal coil
my main one is
due to lack of road safety and general disregard for my person every time i cross the road i see myself getting completely smashed to pieces by oncoming traffic.

I imagine if i ever did run away from life "worried shoes" by Karen O would play
i dont know from where but it would play





More to the point is it me who wants to run away or do i have a thing for the more feral guy
not in the beast from x-men kinda way but more the skinny arty boy that looks like he's lived in small box on the coast hmmmmmmmmm.
i think its the latter :S

ANYWAYS ROLL ON BERLIN , LONDON AND WINTER

Leave My Phone At Home

i think this picture best represents me this morning.
Brishan's birthday was a very dark one
if people saw me last night could they please fill out the appropriate forms
to tell me what i did .
I think i remember chatting rhubarb with Kim and watching Mystery Jets videos until some god forsaken time this morning.
im just waiting for photographic proof to appear cus i know i remember flash bulbs at some point.

Thank you to the lovely people in the Oak who didn't quite understand me clothing choices and tried starting something.

at least i have my health

two years

taken from an illustration project


put up as a little reminder to myself that i am an artist at the end of it all

My Eating Disorder Saved My Life

I know what your thinking oh god here comes a over the top emo rant about how no-one understands me
so i have to be skinny and vomit up my food
NO!
its cool mine is more about how i actually thank my fuckd up attitude to food for making me popular
EVERYONE LOVES A MESS

Thing you got to understand about me is that i am now vastly different to the person i was growing up :
Think . .

Fatter ,
No Style ,
Poor ,
Never Drank / Smoked ,
Played Video Games ,

only a few of my mates knew me during the messy transition phase of my master plan.
I started full stop not eating and smoking about 20 a day on top of working about 40s hours a week BAM! recipe for weight loss.

These teenage girls / gays who say they had no control over themselves its utter wank i knew exactly what i was doing and i did it well.
From skipping meals , not finishing them to when i go out drinking more than usually so i'd vomit to loose the cals or the booz haha. ( I Know CHILL OUT KE$HA )

Now to complete the transition start some epic shop lifting i mean hundreds in a day coupled with a few lines of coke to seal the deal . . . . perfect you now have a real mess on your hands .
It was so freakin weird i knew what i was doing was pure self-destruction but the need to look my best and make a name for myself over weighed any desire to be healthy.

I think thats why i find self-destruction in guys such a turn on, to me it means dedications and commitment to something if someone is will to almost kill themselves it must be for a good reason .
I can actually imagine myself with some tortured crack addict when im older they'll be slipping into an epic K hole and ill be making us diner "LASAGNE OKAY DEAR ?"

.


hahahaha nah ill props end up in some old biscuit factory with no windows curled in a mess of a ball rapped in my fur coat. I really do think thats more lightly.
I think about this more and more as my moving date to london is creeping ever closer
what will actually happen to me ???

Sparky thinks ill do an Edie Sedgwick and be on acid by christmas with randomers stealing from my room to pay for me next hit (hmmmmmm sounds glamourous but acid . . . . really ??? )
O and Gleebo im pretty sure they think im gonna become some epic state of a cross dresser or something.

..........

Maybe the escort business is something to think about ?

The A to Z of Felching

Due to the staggering amount of interest and almost bottomless imformation / websites provided to me by the wonderful general public. I have been forced to write this blog.

Don't get me wrong its been an eye opener but really FELCHING! . . .

RIGHT!

the Urban Dictionary defines it as . . .
"The act of sucking semen from any human orafice, eg.anus , vagina, it can be done with a drinking straw when semen is deep inside the rectum."
Then Provides a freakin ace use of the word in a sentence. . .
"Horace had enjoyed his anal intercourse session with Bertie so much, that he decided to felch his own semen from Berties anus"

I dont understand why they say its done in the vagina aswell as the ass cus literally all i found during my search was a load of gays cum farting . . . . . END OF!

DONT TRY AND NOT CLASSIFY IT AS A GAY/STRAIGHT THING . . . CUS ITS NOT!
i think it would be like sharing a period quite frankly.

For those of you who work better with visual aids i can provide some help be it a little censored cus i dont know how much i can get away with here.
















As you can see i've tried to get the turn of events into order of happening.
If your like me and your eyes have now be burned away i am truly truly sorry but it is my duty.

Personally for me i couldn't think of anything worse to do during sex , shy of sun flowering and anything involving small animals.
But if it ever happens to me trust me there will be a definite blog about it
And maybe a bit of NAME AND SHAME the other guilty party.
It reminds me of my friend who told me he had arrange a fuck date from the web and douched a little too long before the "date" and whle they were fucking a shit ton of shitty water gushed out of my friend. . . . apparantly they carried on regardless but for my its all a bit too Kill Bill .




if you know what i mean .


. . . .

If you get the urge to look up felching more be prepared for some shocking sights , Im still getting flash backs of projectile anal cum into a guys mouth. . . . I actually feel like ive been to NAM
you know when all those soldiers are like
"man you dont know shit. . . . ive seen stuff man . . . . "

Fuck have you . Ive just seen a cum waterfall out of some guys ass into two guys mouths AFTER DOUBLE PENETRATION!

TOP THAT WAR!

I wonder if anyone apart from porn stars have actually done it . And how do you go about asking your partner / fuck buddy if you can do it .
"Darling the moon is full and you look stunning tonight , can i cum in your ass and suck it out ?"
"no . . . . ? . . . . . GET OUT? . . . . . oh. . soooooooo . . no then"

okay maybe if your one of the overly arty people who lives in a squat and lead a pan sexual existence you might be able to get away with it , (little bit jealous).

Well anyways i wish to whoever has it done to them GOOD LUCK AND PUT A GROUND SHEET DOWN.

The Sexual Progression Story

Right a few things need to be said before you read this blog;

Firstly i might have to change a few names as i don't want to be sued or beaten up by the people i got involved with at a very early age.

Secondly (if thats even a real word) if after you read this and get all self righteous with me i will beat you down .

Thirdly this is ment as a cautionary tale to help a younger generation . . . . . well sort of mainly im doing it cus i think it was very funny at the time.

right lets start. . . . . .



My first memory of starting to look at guys came pretty early to what i remember anyways . I'm pretty sure i was around six maybe seven and my dad took me to the swimming baths. I remember literally being in awe of so many naked guys (the vast amount being middle aged or rank so i don't really get that one) but yeah i would do everything in my power to stay in those changing rooms and stare , compare and contrast . So much so i actually insisted on swimming lessons every week and this was purely so i could look at guys.

After that i stayed pretty much generic small boy

A brief couple of moments at sleepovers with unexplained hard ons and very graphic dreams for someone so young and completely inexperienced.


Then the joys of secondary school began.

Again apart from the occasional stare fest and a boy with his shirt off or shorts on nothing really to report.

I remember i stole one of those really awful free gay magazines from my dads when i went down once i used to jack off to that almost nightly (i know i know cringe . . . wait it gets worse)

I dont even remember how this one started off but during lunch friends and i used to just chill in one of the art rooms of my school where i used to feel a friend up under the desk . . . . when i say "feel up" i actually mean toss off.
Im not sure why he let me do it but i think when your that age you just wanna get some basically.
This continued for pretty much the entire last two years of secondary school . but the person changed alot . . . . from friends to actual enemies who asked my to toss them off in the changing rooms of our P.E department . . . . (looking back on it , its all a bit to queer as folk for me but it was still good at the time)

But still the burning issue of my virginity
none of these boys would even consider actually fucking its all fine when its in your hands/mouths but soon as they come its get away from me fag etc etc . . . . god now i sound like blaine from cruel intentions
......
....
well i was trying find a video of the bit in cruel intentions where blaine talks about "the gregster" but alas no joy :(

Anyways back to the blog,

i was still tossing and turning (pardon the expression) about losing my virginity , sadly this issue also co-insides with my frequent and heavy use of drink and drugs at this time.
so one brilliant evening i sign up to one of those gay networking sights. . . . (don't try to cover it up by saying meet friends and new people you just want to fuck end of)

still being 15 i was obvs well under age for such things but it literally consumed me everyday and night thinking about sex.

A guy who lived pretty close to my parents messaged me , he was about late 40s early 50s (his profile said 31 i may over been young and stupid but mate really i aint blind)
after the obligatory swapping of cock shots he arranged to meet (booty call . . . . KNOW THIS if a guy says lets meet up , go for coffee , hang out , watch a film , go to town , go for a drink it all means i wanna fuck)

I didnt wanna go straight to his house so i got him to meet me on his street corner . . . i know i know ALRIGHT HOOKER!
As i got ready to leave my house i could feel my heart beating in my knees i was that shit scared i even told my mum is you dont hear from me in two hours keep ringing my phone then call the police ..... i still wonder now what she must of thought i was going out to do HA.

Once we got to his house i was pretty much a nervous reck literally shaking like a leaf , i think he like it cus at one point he was literally scaring me up and down as a shuck.
we exchanged small talk about his typical 40 something home , his ikea furniture AND HIS WIFE!!!!!
then went upstairs.

he asked if he could kiss me . . . .
I thought

"so this is what all those victorian whores went through" ( dont ask why)

His ageing body in contrast to mine probably looked like some magic mirror or a francis Bacon painting. But it wasnt over with yet.
He lent over and pulled out a small bottle of popper from the bed side table ( I was 15 and still knew that poppers were wank and for chavs and emo kids "down the park")
then asked me to fuck him.

It was the worst experience in my life looking down at that horrific body and (thanks to the popper) red flushed faced i only wanted it over and done with.
he came pretty dam quickly maybe it was his age then let me finish up ...... uh i've always hated that phrase

Anyways after i literally felt dirty but also quite pleased with myself.
he then dropped another bomb shell. . . . . He was a senior police officer who actually knew my family.

Oh well he just fuck'd a 15 year old he couldnt do a thing . . . . . I think i might of threatened him about it .

Anyways after he fell asleep i quickly threw some clothes on grabbed his wallet and ran out the door keeping the cash but through the cards in the air as i walked out leaving his door wide open.
I actually felt so badass , Once i got home i had the longest shower ever i literally scrubbed myself clean .



I never heard from him again. But even now i still look at his house when i pass by and always in the back of my mind is the idea that i should turn up one day and say he gave me aids or something.

The 60 pound i stole bought me.

-Placebo's Without you i'm nothing album
-A pair of jeans
-Film for my camera
and a cinema ticket ( i cant remember what for though )


I still have the receipts .

Asian Babe Shares Bed With Aryan Sweetheart

Further supporting the statement that 107 is a halfway house

This week Kim's Japanese friend Haruna came to stay . . . . we all have no idea how they know each other
but im guessing one of those year 7 pen pall things got way out of hand . . . neither the less.

I think we sent her back a broken woman.

Our first meeting was when i returned from work to find Kim and Patch doing coke (fancy dans) off a war of the worlds dvd case. . . . . i don't know which i found more embarrassing the fact this girl had to see it , or the fact that we own a copy of war of the worlds.

FUCK YOU Dakota Fanning.

The poor girl spent a few days sight seeing in capital city then was whisked up to the City Of Villains

First stop , The cultural epicentre that is Godiva Festival,
For those not well versed in Godiva Festival its the one time of the year when its publicly acceptable to expose your children to scag addicts, football chavs and the overweight.


Try explaining what a chav is to a japanese girl . . . . more difficult than it sounds.

After hounding poor Haruna with drink and smokes the conversation moved to the joys of Ket . . . . . WHY DOES IT ALWAYS END IN KET!

Apparently a person can lead a very sheltered life away from drink and drugs quite easily.

We were then met by our friend who had

"got greedy greedy greedy"

with what she thought was meth but alas turned out to be Ket.
she then vanished into the crowd with a worried expression on her face.

I think i'm gonna do a piece on the worried face people get when they realise they've done too much ket.
"ALL I CAN SMELL IS KET"

.........

anyways just wanted to say fair does to Haruna for sticking it out with us.

did her trip highlight any problems with mine and my friends life style?



Nah.

The Invention Of Rimming

Was it an accident ?

It's one of the worlds great gay taboos but it is a common topic in my friendship circles .

Ill never forget the day when my mother asked if i had rimmed . . . . my face began to shake and the floor felt like it could of just opened up and ended me . . . . . . but i just smiled through gritted teeth and said

"of course not mummy . . . . it just sounds awful"

Also why do straight people do it ?
I know of many straight couples and even one night stands which had ended up staring down the barrel of a gun so to speak.

Growing up i was never told about rimming neither the use of it in straight relationships.
It became something i learnt about through experience trail by fire almost (thank you 15 year old alex)


Is rimming like shop lifting ?

Everyday common place right under our noses

I Google You

Spent the majority of yesterday discussing what i want from a relationship with sparky.
It turns out i'm very picky, I think my ideal man is the love child of Faris Badwan and Neil Gaiman.
Does this man exist?


answer, probably not.

Does a man holding one of those brilliant men's traits exists . . . . . probably .
Then why whenever i end up single do i end up in gay bars / clubs?
Because I AM A GLUTEN FOR PUNISHMENT , also i think i enjoy watching the chaos unfold before me .
The lingering hugs , the sly hands strokes even the brief but mind blowingly intense eye contact as you pass in a door way.
Whenever I'm in a gay club with a group of friends i always feel like some doomed general of an army my men go out to battle but they never return.

I think for me gay culture has never really evolved from what i imagined the 80s to be like and yet we all still fall for the same old same old. even my close friends who claim they hate gay clubs and that whole mess end up trotting off every weekend to have a casual fumble in the mixed gender toilets.
Then comes the adding on various social networking sites and the obligatory stalk
cunningly hidden in the purely innocent liking of a persons status.

I think i'm going to write a book on the mating habits of the modern gay
It will include such tools as the "hey Mr . . . . " start to a txt and the four mile stare when they set their sites on a boy.

I just want a bit of originality and thought perhaps is that too much to ask.

I know its all well and good me slagging it all off but i've been there . I was once that awful boy chasing someone around the internet and only going somewhere because i thought i'd see him again.
I want a national shake a gay day.
TOO WHOM READS THIS NEXT TIME YOU SEEN YOU "GAY BEST FRIEND" GRAB THEM SAY YOUR SORRY AND SHAKE THEM , THEN SAY THOSE immortal lines "HE'S REALLY NOT THAT INTO YOU".
This will help them because i don't know about you but i'm really fed up of picking up all the pieces of another broken "romance".
Because when they split with their "one true loves" (whom of which they met in the smoking area and bonded out of mutual love for the works of Ke$ha)
I end up having to string out a bunch of fake lines like "He's such a mess your so much hotter" (i die inside when i say that one)

I think everyone has a level of narcissism in them and secretly just wants a boy like themselves . . . . but let me get this straight.

YOU HATE GAY CLUBS AND THE CULTURE.

then why . . .

WOULD YOUR PERFECT GUY BE THERE ASWELL ?


JUST THINK SILLY GAYS THATS ALL.