Thursday 14 April 2011

BACK!

Soooooooooooo . first blog iv done since moving to london i guess , mainly cus i really aint had much to write about . . . jokes OBVS living the crazy life style befitting the love child of Oscar Wilde and Wednesday Addams , but yeah actually completely forgot to if im honest .
I know how you all love to read the rantings that spill from my mind and often shouldnt be read by anyone let alone friends , family and the general public.



SO! fucking in the great out doors ?

A friend recently asked me what my stance / position (if you'll pardon the pun) is on fucking in the great british countryside is. After a brief worry how this topic came up it made me think do people still do it ?
i personally think we are far from the GOLDEN AGE of cottaging now and the whole idea seems i bit . . . . . . . . eh , you know when people bring it up theyre trying to be racey and shocking but i think the only shocking thing about sex nower days is the missionary position in the dark.

For example my current boyf strangled me so hard during that the prospect of a black out was not too far from reality . and me giving him head while a man in texas watched VIA the wonderful world of MANROULETTE has become common place.
(oh again incase people think they can use this against me now , it really doesnt work when im openly telling you so simmer down)

Are we all so unphased by what our partners do to us and want doing to them that the we've become in effect prudes in that we dont want to say no in the fear that we ourselves will look like prudes if you understand what im getting at.

to quote Warhol "I just find sex so abstract".

Do you ever do that thing where you look at people and imagine their sex lives or the stuff theyre into ? But then you come across people who you think or so removed from it all you find it hard to think them as ever having sex . . . . . I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE!

I was in the V & A in the week enjoying a tea when across the dinning room sits the literally human version of that girl juno describes with the big glasses that jocks eat that kinda shit up. And it just made me smile to see how strange and removed again from everything we all take for granted . . . . . THIS GIRL . . . . IM TALKING , NEVER BEEN TOUCHED BEFORE!!!!! that kinda shit.
Anyways after a good 15 mins creating an attire back story for her i did feel pretty shit with myself cus she was on her own in a gallery eating some food but with surgical precision she cut it up into pieces.

I just hope she has mad skillz in bed.

Tuesday 17 August 2010

Berlin , Bears , Bondage , Blighty PART 1

I thought id take this chance to write a proper blog seeing as its six in the morning and i cant sleep . . . .

As the Title indicates and many may already know i've just returned from a wee trip to Berlin,

The trip can be described in one word . . . . . "CUNTSTRUCK" . . . . . but then there would be no need for this blog.

After being well over charged by a sneaky D Bag of a taxi driver we got to our apartment in one piece , to be greeted by its owner , The now infamous "CLAUDIA" . . . . . this woman is a fugly slut! . . . . ha jk. Nah but oh my days shes like a cross between an 80s fitness instructor and pure hands down EURO-TRASH.







She handed us a map of Berlin and circled areas SHE THOUGHT we might like to go . . . . . .

I dont know what it says about my appearance or general personality but every place was gay . . . . . . . . . .

I picked up a small present for my friend craig from said gay areas with some core hot spots of gay berlin to take in enjoy.
Such As

BIG SEXILAND

COCKS BERLIN CRUISING BAR

AND

BASSY COWBOY CLUB






Right . . . . if anyone has seen the film slash show of Cabaret or is familiar with Berlin you may of heard of the Kit Kat Club. . . .
In the show its made out to be a place of jazz , gin , glamour and gays




HOW WRONG I WAS !

Seeing as the club didnt open till 1 we went for drinks in the centre and happened to get talking to a waiter who had been a few times .
He told us .
"If they dont let you in just take your clothes off"
so we knew this wasn't gonna be like a night at the colli for example . . . . . . (well) . . . .
but yeah he kept on about how CRAZY , AND SEXY it was , which made it all the worse for the realisation of it all.

skip ahead to outside the club two large doormen informed the guys in front of us they couldn't go in due to "Not wearing SEXXXY clothes" . . . . . . OBVS let us straight in (BACK OF THE HAIR NET). After walking down a small garden path we arrive at a large black padded door where a small slightly aging german woman answers , looks us up and down then lets you enter.

(has Flash back and take a moment)

From the second i walked in i knew this was not at ALL like the Kit Kat club from CABARET but some sleezy sex club from an episode of Louis Theroux . . . . .

The bar and main area was covered in wipe-able leather and "sexy versions" of classic painting . . . . . . .

"Oh yeah i forgot people got Rimmed at the last supper. . . "

No sooner had we bought our drinks that my eyes were met by the view of an elderly man about 60 to 70s complete naked Wanking himself off much too the pleasure of himself and the other club goes. . . . . .

I watched as one by one Married couples trying to spice up their loveless relationships entered dress in leather and PVC. . . . The odd muscle bound gay wearing (VOMS) "Aussiebum" (gays choice)



Was the only rest bite in the Sea of ageing torsos and pendulous genitals.

In The Dance Room the club goes raved to 90s Euro-house (VOMS) whilst Penetrating each other




And in the outside / Pool area predatory gays stare you down whilst swigging dark rum and coke.


I think personally the straw which broke . . . . . no fuck it the thing which made me go "right lets get the fuck out of here"
was . . . . .
I sat and watched as a woman in here 50s got fingered by her husband. . . . who when he got bored of it all tapped the top of her cunt as if she was a dog (VOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM)



. . . . . . . We Swiftly departed said club after said incident . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Saturday 7 August 2010

BAD . BLOGGER

A Collection Of Images From The Last Few Weeks.













As i am hanging out of my arse this morning, I'm only putting up these images then i'll do a i proper blog later.

soz ard

Wednesday 21 July 2010

A Life More Minimal







An image i took of my danny that is all






Do you ever get that feeling . . .

what happened to make everything so complicated ?

I don't want to get involved in dramas , pay bills , go to work , sit on public transport waiting for some aged war veteran to take my seat , why do even care its just a seat , some douche bag to tell me im not cool or alt enough . Again why do i care your a prick.

All I Want Is This






You maybe think that its finally happened , Ive lost my mind and I'm using this blog as a virtual suicide note.
But your sadly mistaken.
I simply wanted to rant about my longing to just fade away sometimes (EMO)

I really wish I'd done a patrick wolf and ran away when i was younger . . . . ( well do a patrick that is up until he gets raped)

I often tell my friends that when i move to london i really truly feel i'm gonna become this epic social recluse , only leaving my studio to get supplies until one dark stormy night a cabinet full of my old tat and curios falls on me.
Then they find me months later simply a pool of bodily fluids .


Thats the way i want to go anyways.

I always do this , think about how i'll shuffle off this mortal coil
my main one is
due to lack of road safety and general disregard for my person every time i cross the road i see myself getting completely smashed to pieces by oncoming traffic.

I imagine if i ever did run away from life "worried shoes" by Karen O would play
i dont know from where but it would play





More to the point is it me who wants to run away or do i have a thing for the more feral guy
not in the beast from x-men kinda way but more the skinny arty boy that looks like he's lived in small box on the coast hmmmmmmmmm.
i think its the latter :S

ANYWAYS ROLL ON BERLIN , LONDON AND WINTER

Thursday 15 July 2010

Leave My Phone At Home



i think this picture best represents me this morning.
Brishan's birthday was a very dark one
if people saw me last night could they please fill out the appropriate forms
to tell me what i did .
I think i remember chatting rhubarb with Kim and watching Mystery Jets videos until some god forsaken time this morning.
im just waiting for photographic proof to appear cus i know i remember flash bulbs at some point.

Thank you to the lovely people in the Oak who didn't quite understand me clothing choices and tried starting something.

at least i have my health

Wednesday 14 July 2010

two years








taken from an illustration project


put up as a little reminder to myself that i am an artist at the end of it all

My Eating Disorder Saved My Life



I know what your thinking oh god here comes a over the top emo rant about how no-one understands me
so i have to be skinny and vomit up my food
NO!
its cool mine is more about how i actually thank my fuckd up attitude to food for making me popular
EVERYONE LOVES A MESS

Thing you got to understand about me is that i am now vastly different to the person i was growing up :
Think . .

Fatter ,
No Style ,
Poor ,
Never Drank / Smoked ,
Played Video Games ,

only a few of my mates knew me during the messy transition phase of my master plan.
I started full stop not eating and smoking about 20 a day on top of working about 40s hours a week BAM! recipe for weight loss.

These teenage girls / gays who say they had no control over themselves its utter wank i knew exactly what i was doing and i did it well.
From skipping meals , not finishing them to when i go out drinking more than usually so i'd vomit to loose the cals or the booz haha. ( I Know CHILL OUT KE$HA )

Now to complete the transition start some epic shop lifting i mean hundreds in a day coupled with a few lines of coke to seal the deal . . . . perfect you now have a real mess on your hands .
It was so freakin weird i knew what i was doing was pure self-destruction but the need to look my best and make a name for myself over weighed any desire to be healthy.

I think thats why i find self-destruction in guys such a turn on, to me it means dedications and commitment to something if someone is will to almost kill themselves it must be for a good reason .
I can actually imagine myself with some tortured crack addict when im older they'll be slipping into an epic K hole and ill be making us diner "LASAGNE OKAY DEAR ?"

.


hahahaha nah ill props end up in some old biscuit factory with no windows curled in a mess of a ball rapped in my fur coat. I really do think thats more lightly.
I think about this more and more as my moving date to london is creeping ever closer
what will actually happen to me ???

Sparky thinks ill do an Edie Sedgwick and be on acid by christmas with randomers stealing from my room to pay for me next hit (hmmmmmm sounds glamourous but acid . . . . really ??? )
O and Gleebo im pretty sure they think im gonna become some epic state of a cross dresser or something.

..........

Maybe the escort business is something to think about ?